i would punch a child for taco bell
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
