you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
