New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
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