found the other keg... it's in the tree
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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