If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
