Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize