anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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