He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
