Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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