end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
