You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
