my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Just invented taco cereal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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