Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize
