Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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