i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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