I think i peed on brittanys purse
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
accomplished twins. life is a go
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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