just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
