Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
