i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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