do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
We are two peas in an std pod
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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