Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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