quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
