Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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