god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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