I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
