I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
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