I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Randomize
