I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
