I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
