I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
