So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i think my mom watched the whole time
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
