I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
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