just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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