New invention idea: vibrating tampons
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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