I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
