Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
