Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
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Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
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We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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