Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
i think im in europe. pls send help
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
