please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
