i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Randomize
