how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
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I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
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Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
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