Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
