Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
