Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
