Is it normal to miss your booty call?
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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