Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
The convent might be a nice break from real life
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
