I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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