she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
