You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
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