hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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