I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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