Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
