listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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