Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
