So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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