i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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