College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
i now understand why vodka
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
