Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
