I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
