He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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