We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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