life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
