You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
