I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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