so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
