Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Randomize
