i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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